He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
