If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize