Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
