i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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