On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
