and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
