you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
