I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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