I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
