Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
