The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
