i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize