In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
