you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
