'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
