my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
