i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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