i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
