Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
