Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize