I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
