I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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