You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
