This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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