Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
