Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
