All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
