I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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