The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
