I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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