EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
