Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
