i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
