you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
