i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You are the jesus of drinking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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