I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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