Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
