Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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