Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
