Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize