Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
