that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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