I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
