It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
