new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
