im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I looked at my own cervix.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
