If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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