I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
