Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
