is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
