At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
