Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
