no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
