I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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