You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
