# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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