So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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