So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
