new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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