Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize