i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
