new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
