Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
how can u be prego again
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
