Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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