What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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