I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
