thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
