I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
